Tuesday, January 1

Obligatory New Year's Post


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Retrospection.
I've sat here for a while looking at that word typed out, thinking of the past year and wishing that it was not as it lies now, cold in the grave with regret bound to its chest. 

Looking back has not given me a warm and fuzzy feeling.

I've scheduled myself to start up lessons this week with the kiddos, after our month long hiatus for Benjamin's birth and the holidays.  Sean is off from work just one more day for his long weekend and I feel my heart start to pump a little quicker when I think of all the obligations laid out for me to fill and knowing I need to get back into the swing of things and wondering the *how* of it all.  Cook, cleaner, educator, elder's wife, mother, wife, disciplinarian, peace keeper, discipler...  At some time, and often many times, during the past year I've failed at all of these.  There have been times when I've angered my husband into silence and have exasperated our children and have overall been a lousy discipler, except for remembering to repent and say "I'm sorry" and press on trying to fix what's been befuddled.

Benjamin's birth was the beautiful, undeserved crown on my bowed head at the end of the year.  Sometimes you just know you've been defeated and the year has gotten the best of ye.

The goodness of God is that in His love He holds us close even when we fail.  Tonight I have no resolutions but a constant prayer for less of me and more of Him.  This verse fits the coming year for me perfectly, and I hope it encourages you too.

 "No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." Phil. 3:13





 

9 comments:

Momma Bug said...

Precious Friend,

You are favored.

His love and delight of you is all He sees, and I'm grateful for your transparency as I wrestle with some of the same hurdles to overcome in the days ahead.

There may be an element of the postpartum overwhelm in there too - yes?

I know you know this, but I'll say it again. Each day the Lord gives just what is needed for that 24 hours. He sees what you don't, and the things that look important to us, often aren't the important things. He will show you which is which.
He is faithful!

Strength and courage and endurance dear friend.

~Analene




Olga said...

Thank you. "Less of me and more of Him" - that's essential, the true humbleness I need yet to learn. Thank you for your sincerity, your blog, inspiration and living example of living in grace.

Mrs.Rabe said...

A post that could be written by me....thank the Lord for fresh Grace, mercies that are new every morning, and love that binds it all together...

Blessings on your new year.

Deanna

Tasha said...

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE this post.
Happy New Year from Texas.
I feel such peach when I read your blog. I look forward to another new year of following you and your sweet family.

Jennifer Hoots said...

Happy new year and may God bless your efforts in 2013.

Anonymous said...

Dear Hannah,
You have been an encourager to me over the past few years. Thank you for that. Try to take it slow, you still do have a very little one and it takes time to "get back to it". I tried to email you privatly but it wouldn't go through for some reason. Just wanted to encourage you and let you know that I'm thinking of you today.

We sing this song acapella and it is beautiful and touching. Makes me cry. Wish I could find a recording of it for you but I don't have a lot of time to search and couldn't find one quickly. This is long and more that I usually do for a comment. If you wouldn't mind, please don't post this comment, I'm more private than this usually and feel funny being so wordy....Sending you a big hug, even though you don't even know me! :O)
Jodi (I usually sign as Jo)

~None of Self and All of Thee~

Oh, the bitter pain and sorrow
That a time could ever be,
When I proudly said to Jesus,
“All of self, and none of Thee.”
All of self, and none of Thee,
All of self, and none of Thee,
When I proudly said to Jesus,
“All of self, and none of Thee.”

Yet He found me; I beheld Him
Bleeding on th’ accursed tree,
And my wistful heart said faintly,
“Some of self, and some of Thee.”
Some of self, and some of Thee,
Some of self, and some of Thee,
And my wistful heart said faintly,
“Some of self, and some of Thee.”

Day by day His tender mercy,
Healing, helping, full and free,
Brought me lower while I whispered,
“Less of self, and more of Thee.”
Less of self, and more of Thee,
Less of self, and more or Thee,
Brought me lower while I whispered,
“Less of self, and more of Thee.”

Higher than the highest heaven,
Deeper than the deepest sea,
Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
“None of self, and all of Thee.”
None of self, and all of Thee,
None of self, and all of Thee,
Lord, Thy love at last has conquered:
“None of self, and all of Thee.”

Emmy said...

I am a Buddhist, but I still get such peace from following your blog and have for several years.

I hope you will find 2013 to be a wonderful year. As someone already mentioned, perhaps postpartum has added to your feelings of being overwhelmed. I had this for a long time, and I only have two children!!! Hope you can be easy on yourself, in all areas--housework, dealing with your children etc. etc.

peace to you and your family!!!

Quinn said...

Thank you for this beautiful, refreshingly honest post. I don't feel warm & fuzzy about 2012 year either. It was counted among my worst an I'm so thankful His mercies are new every morning... When you're heart starts to pump a little quicker next time, remember we are to take no thought of the morrow, but simply rejoice and be glad in today. I spent much of the year overwhelmed and with a tight knot of anxiety in my chest and remembering those two verses helped tremendously in getting though. Blessings!

Shelley Q said...

This is a beautiful post, so raw and revealing. By allowing yourself to be humbled you have left space for God to come in and exalt you. As mothers/wives/women we often fail, but this gives our families the need to turn to the One who will never fail. I commented on your post about baby preparations that after reading what you wrote I felt the stirrings of desire for more children. I believe God led me there to prepare me for the blessing he was ready to reveal. we are entering week 8 with baby number three. You are being used by God, thank you for your willingness to glorify Him with your words and art.