I've sat here for a while looking at that word typed out, thinking of the past year and wishing that it was not as it lies now, cold in the grave with regret bound to its chest.
Looking back has not given me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
I've scheduled myself to start up lessons this week with the kiddos, after our month long hiatus for Benjamin's birth and the holidays. Sean is off from work just one more day for his long weekend and I feel my heart start to pump a little quicker when I think of all the obligations laid out for me to fill and knowing I need to get back into the swing of things and wondering the *how* of it all. Cook, cleaner, educator, elder's wife, mother, wife, disciplinarian, peace keeper, discipler... At some time, and often many times, during the past year I've failed at all of these. There have been times when I've angered my husband into silence and have exasperated our children and have overall been a lousy discipler, except for remembering to repent and say "I'm sorry" and press on trying to fix what's been befuddled.
Benjamin's birth was the beautiful, undeserved crown on my bowed head at the end of the year. Sometimes you just know you've been defeated and the year has gotten the best of ye.
The goodness of God is that in His love He holds us close even when we fail. Tonight I have no resolutions but a constant prayer for less of me and more of Him. This verse fits the coming year for me perfectly, and I hope it encourages you too.
"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." Phil. 3:13