Sunday, October 30

The Escapades of Snitzel the Pig

Snitzel the pig, my nemesis, my humbler and mortifier - the small homestead animal I so dearly wanted, visions of inexpensive nitrite free sausages and breakfasts with bacon in my mind.

A few months back she somehow manipulated her way out of the electric fence while we were at the cabin and our *oh-so-very-nice-and-very-undeserved* neighbors woo-ed her back in with a piece of pizza.

The second time she escaped we were home (thank you, merciful Jesus) and milk being her soft spot I was able to get her back in with some of that. I immediately went out and bought the big-boy electric fence, enough to hold back a massive crowd of beef cattle, the country farm store personel promised me. We strung it three layers high. Stinkin' pig.

And so, headed back from the cabin again tonight, after a lovely and lazy afternoon spent celebrating Addie's birthday with lunch and Grandma Pam's delish pumpkin spice cake, back in range for cell service, some punks threw a handful of stones at the van as we drove through the city. Picking up his cell to call the police, Sean noticed a message from our neighbors to the right... and then...from the neighbors two houses on the left.

"Dear, God..." I whispered into the dark as the immediate sence of forboding overtook the atmosphere of the van. Snitzel the pig, all 240 pounds of her, was loose roaming our country road, chowing through the neighbors lovely pumpkin display, getting her head stuck in their table saw. Their table saw! The table saw INSIDE THEIR GARAGE! Mortified. I am completely mortified. One neighbor called to say they saw her skipping down the middle of the road, carefree and footloose.

I pulled this mugshot of her off of facebook, running up our neighbor's steps.

Sean's run out now to replace the pumpkins, Snitzel is once again secure and in holding, and one unnamed-for-their-protection child will be having a few extra chores this week for unplugging the electric fence (on purpose and with good intentions) before we left this morning (and failing to plug it back in).

I am thinking bacon and hams and chops are coming soon.


Davene Grace said...

Oh my goodness! I suppose I shouldn't laugh, but it really is funny. I'm sure someday you'll think so, too. :)

I do sympathize with you though: we used to have three dogs, and they lived in our pasture. Two of them became experts at getting out, despite the electric line we have rigged near the bottom of the fence. We've had those sorts of calls from neighbors, too. :( So...we gave away one of our dogs, and the other one who kept escaping was sadly hit and killed in the road. :( We have one left, who is too old to get out, I suppose. She's a sweetheart, but the poor thing must be lonely because every night she lets loose with such a racket of barking that I'm thinking we'll be getting phonecalls from the neighbors about the noise! Ack!

Enjoy your sausage and bacon!! :)

Corinna said...

Oh, Hanna. As 'they' say, "Never work with children or animals." I had a chuckle over naughty Snitzel's escapades. Glad he's safe and sound again.

Bonnie said...

I laughed. I'm sorry. (The table saw! Snort, chuckle, haaaa!) I've helped round up my fair share of critters (the largest being my friends steers) and boy they can be tricky when they want to be!

Unknown said...

You're bringing back sweet memories- three hog seasons ago, we had one of them die from illness and the other was left lonely and amazingly she was quite capable of jumping the hog panels at her size!

Thankfully, the last two years their have been no deaths and with two at the same time, no one has been interested in honing their escaping skills :D

Beautiful piggie! What breed it that??

Anonymous said...

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!okay my stomach is hurting from laughing.. Okay it is not funny.. But it is..

Ham on the menu for Christmas this year !
sue in NJ

Me said...

Davene, I'm sure that day will come. :)
Quinn, I was wondering if another pig would have helped her be less mischievious. Perhaps, if I'm feeling more stoic on the whole subject next year, we'll try raising two together. She is quite social. Our neighbors said that last night she stood at their glass doors, snout to glass, watching them the entire time they ate dinner, waiting for someone to come out. Snitzel is half a Hampshire and half York.
Thank you all for enjoying Snitzel's misadventures yesterday. :)

Homestead Living said...

Our 3 pigs, weighing in at 280-300 lbs, only escaped twice the week before we butchered them. We are now really enjoying the sausage, ham and bacon are in the process of being cured. This was our first year and they were quite easy {except for the escaping part} :). It made me giggle hearing your stories.

the wanderer said...

Oh, we never know what tales we'll have with animals around. I did laugh, but would be mortified myself!
Thank you for sharing your story :)

Maya said...

Too funny(from an outsider's perspective and not having to deal with it!) I had two calves escape and go 'trick or treating' in my strawberry bed yesterday!

Denise said...

Okay...couldn't resist commenting! I can't imagine the laughs that little Schnitzel brought to your neighbors! These are the things I miss by living in the big city!