Tuesday, May 4

Loss

We have felt more loss, as a family, in the last year than I care to count but everywhere I am reminded of it and its effect on our lives. It is my experience, that when my hands are tied in situations, that God is saying, "Hands off, Hannah - learn from this" and so that is the heart attitude I am aiming for as we walk into a brighter season of life.
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(carrots)

In the midst of grieving last year over lost relationships, family members sick or passed away, losing foster babies to horrible homes, and the loss of a child I was carrying, God kept bringing to my remembrance the words of John 15. It is a chapter of comforts, warnings and encouragements and the verse that have stuck in my heart are "if you abide in you will bear much fruit".
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(lettuces)

With a small group of friends over for brunch recently, I shared how this verse followed me last year and I wondered, how in the midst of pain, I could be able to produce any good fruit, or anything worthwhile to God. My friends and I talked about our heart attitudes and how something so simple can honor God and glorify Him. God does not despise brokenness, he despises the fruit of an angry, bitter, complaining heart. I love this new song by Amy Grant because I know the mess I am is worth something beautiful to God. I am sure that over the last year, God sent me the reminder of this chapter both as a comfort that He can still work in the broken and as a warning that hurt and pain can quickly turn to anger and bitterness.
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I've never believed that God protects His children from hurt or pain because scripturally, there are so many instances of God walking His children through difficult times and circumstances. "He sendeth rain on the just and the unjust..." Yes, He spares and protects and guides too. God works both ways as He sees is best for us, I believe, and who are we to tell Him which way He ought to work? I think God wants us to see Him as the saviour of our hearts and souls, not a saviour who keeps us cushioned in a womb of utopia away from the effects of sin, and as an anchor in life's storms, not a distant God.

These are the lessons we try to teach our children too. One of my sweet children sat on my lap one morning and asked why someone he loves doesn't come to see him anymore. I said "I don't know, sweetie, but we can still love and pray for them and I'm so sorry that this hurts you." Said kiddo gave me a hug and a kiss and said, "That's alright, Mama", and sat cuddling with me a few minutes longer. Those are the times my heart is tempted to be angry but what good would it do? It is harder to love people who hurt us, my kids are learning, or those who hurt people we love, but loving them in the place God is chasing them is what we're called to do.

Sometimes I want to yell and scold and berate the parents of our foster children and ask them what in the world they were thinking - but somehow, I know they get enough of that, and us being someplace safe to call and talk and be told that they are being prayed for and are loved is so much more important, I think.

These are the thoughts on my heart today as I attempt to be thankful, cultivate joy in our home, and begin filing away the loss of the last year as an experience learned from.
Blessings,
Hannah

9 comments:

Rachel said...

hi, I found your blog through Shannon's (Thoughts and Thimbles).

Thankyou for this. It echoes some of my own experiences of suffering - that the Lord doesn't despise brokeness, but we must be careful to bring that brokeness to him to heal, rather then letting it become a source of anger.

I've also had a difficult year, but I can see the Lord's hand in everything, even with the benefit such relatively recent hindsight. What a blessing suffering can be for our spiritual life! I know that it is only through the Lord's grace that I have been able to nip any feelings of anger in the bud - without his spirit, I'd be one big ball of bitterness, regret and frustration! He is so good to us.

Like a Bubbling Brook said...

Oh, Hannah, you have no idea how the Lord has used you in this post! It is a confirmation to me; I am getting ready to speak to a group of ladies about this very subject on Thursday and was wrestling with it.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You are transparent with us regarding your thoughts, and that is a blessing to me :o)

Jaime G

Malia said...

Thanks so much for this:) I don't even know how I found your blog, but I know God used it to encourage my aching heart.
Yesterday, I found out that my first pregnancy won't be carried to term. I know that it is common, but my heart just aches.
I needed the reminder to abide in Him.

Michele @ Frugal Granola said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. This brings back so many memories for me of certain difficult years in my own life.

I am writing an Encouragement Series on Fridays on my blog right now. http://frugalgranola.blogspot.com/2010/04/journey-of-blessing-series-hope.html

Would you be willing to share your testimony in a guest post for this series? Let me know. frugalgranola (AT) gmail (DOT) com.

Blessings to you,
Michele

Suzy's Natural Southern Goodies said...

Hannah,

I knew you were pregnant again, but not of the loss. I am so sorry! This is something I know all too well. Blessings for your heart and body. This had to have been a difficult post yet you handled it so well. Cyber hug!

Karen G. said...

Hannah,
Sorry to hear that you have had losses but glad that you've taken them and let God use them to help you grow in Him. Loss does seem to be a part of most people's lives in one way or another. Thanks for your post. Praying for you and your family as you continue doing what God has called you to....

Marmee's Pantry said...

Blessings to you...

Kim<><

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this post I needed the reminder as my family is going through a season in life that is extremely difficult without much support and it's so good to know God is working on us and cares enough to see us through. You're a blessing to my life. Thanks again.

Mominapocket said...

Excellent post Hannah. Losses can feel like "little deaths". But through these little deaths come "little resurrections" as you say walking into a "brighter season" with acceptance and greater understanding and faith.