Friday morning came as usual, cold, snowy and windy. Chores were done and ice skating paraphenalia prepared. Every Friday during this season home schooling families meet up at a local rink for two hours. Kiddos skate and mamas chat. Even little Ella slides around the rink on her snow boots.
On this Friday we were expecting some of Annaliese's friends for a Valentines party after ice skating and she was busy putting finishing touches on her cupcakes, heart sandwiches and pink lemonade. I wiped down the counters and hung my new (new to me) little chalkboard above my kitchen sink. Now for what to write on it.... Hmmm....
"Lord, what do I need to work on?" I had prayed earlier that morning, while no doubt reviewing the current events of life with Him and asking for His grace and wisdom.
The word that came to my heart, I wrote "Trust".
We had been called and asked to take another foster baby earlier in the week which I turned down because the baby had overwhelming medical needs which I knew I could not tend to with five children. The poor wee one had oxygen, a feeding tube and colostomy, was blind and had other health problems. One or two of those I could handle but not all and regretfully, I told them they really needed to find someone able to do 24 hr medical care, said goodbye, hanging up the phone. That same day we missed a call to care for a healthy six month old.
Just that week before we had visited our former foster daughter in her home. God has given us a great door into her life through her mother, which we are incredibly thankful for. Seeing her in her enviroment and the changes in her personality since she left us was heart-wrenching. "Why?" I want to ask.
Annaliese had a great little party with her girlfriends last Friday. We tidied up and I pulled some sauce from the freezer for dinner and set the pasta water on the stove. Social services called and asked us to take an 11 month old, the youngest of nine all abandoned by their mother. We said yes and late that night she came.
My husband remembers a message by Rob Morris of LOVE146 talking about getting involved in the mess of humanity, because that is where Jesus is. I cried for the brokenness of a mama who could not care for any of her children as the soft, curly head of her daughter rested on my chest.
I want to pray selfish prayers like, "Lord, please help her not to want this one too" but my spirit won't let me and I sadly pray instead, "God, Your will. What is best and true be done." I don't like to pray that way. I want to keep this baby forever.
Trust. It's on my chalkboard, now I need it in my heart.