Monday, February 15

Trust

Friday morning came as usual, cold, snowy and windy. Chores were done and ice skating paraphenalia prepared. Every Friday during this season home schooling families meet up at a local rink for two hours. Kiddos skate and mamas chat. Even little Ella slides around the rink on her snow boots.

On this Friday we were expecting some of Annaliese's friends for a Valentines party after ice skating and she was busy putting finishing touches on her cupcakes, heart sandwiches and pink lemonade. I wiped down the counters and hung my new (new to me) little chalkboard above my kitchen sink. Now for what to write on it.... Hmmm....

"Lord, what do I need to work on?" I had prayed earlier that morning, while no doubt reviewing the current events of life with Him and asking for His grace and wisdom.

The word that came to my heart, I wrote "Trust".

We had been called and asked to take another foster baby earlier in the week which I turned down because the baby had overwhelming medical needs which I knew I could not tend to with five children. The poor wee one had oxygen, a feeding tube and colostomy, was blind and had other health problems. One or two of those I could handle but not all and regretfully, I told them they really needed to find someone able to do 24 hr medical care, said goodbye, hanging up the phone. That same day we missed a call to care for a healthy six month old.

Trust.

Just that week before we had visited our former foster daughter in her home. God has given us a great door into her life through her mother, which we are incredibly thankful for. Seeing her in her enviroment and the changes in her personality since she left us was heart-wrenching. "Why?" I want to ask.

Trust.

Annaliese had a great little party with her girlfriends last Friday. We tidied up and I pulled some sauce from the freezer for dinner and set the pasta water on the stove. Social services called and asked us to take an 11 month old, the youngest of nine all abandoned by their mother. We said yes and late that night she came.

Trust.

My husband remembers a message by Rob Morris of LOVE146 talking about getting involved in the mess of humanity, because that is where Jesus is. I cried for the brokenness of a mama who could not care for any of her children as the soft, curly head of her daughter rested on my chest.
I want to pray selfish prayers like, "Lord, please help her not to want this one too" but my spirit won't let me and I sadly pray instead, "God, Your will. What is best and true be done." I don't like to pray that way. I want to keep this baby forever.

Trust. It's on my chalkboard, now I need it in my heart.

Trust.

5 comments:

Karen G. said...

Hannah,
Loved your post. Yes, sometimes trust is hard even though we know that God is for us. We always had children that were a little older but there was one little boy who touched our hearts. Alas, he did not stay with us for long and bounced around in the foster care system -- who knows why. Now he is an adult and we see him occasionally. He doesn't serve God but knows all about Him. The choice is his and all we can do is trust. Leaving it in God's hands...... Trusting.
Karen G.

Beth said...

Oh, Hannah! Foster care will truly bring you to your knees, clinging to one thing: trusting God's faithfulness.

HE is faithful, and I will be praying for you to have strength and peace.

When we were fostering our now adopted son, I remember praying for one of our many court cases to come up early in the day (often times we would sit all day before our case was heard). That day our case was the very first on called up on the docket. I KNEW it was a sign of God's presence and faithfulness. He carried us through the journey... even when our hearts felt crushed and I didn't think I could go on.

We have been waiting to receive a new foster placement. I spoke to DSS yesterday, and they are experiencing a strange lull in "business." There are 4 foster homes completely empty right now. I am trusting God to know the perfect time for our next little one to join our home. He has the child picked out for us. I pray for that child, knowing that right now he or she is likely in pain.

Blessings on your newest little one. May her mama be fully redeemed by our Lord, or may she be fully removed from causing further harm. God's will be done.

Anonymous said...

Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experiences. It is so truly heartbreaking to see children and families suffering. It is wonderful to see a family trying to help those in need so unselfishly. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to let go of a precious child that has been apart of your family even if for only a short time. Trusting God can be so difficult at times. Thank you for your wonderful blog.

Anonymous said...

God is faithful.

Tara said...

I really love to come & read what you write. It makes me feel better (I believe it) & trust me : I now pray every day :)