Saturday, July 18

A Hiatus

To you be the glory, Lord.



I've been contemplating what direction to take this blog, whether to close up shop or continue on. I recently faced again the ugly fact once again that I am sinner.
Imperfect.
Unholy.
Unrighteous.

I'm aware of this fact on a daily basis and its implications in motherhood and being a wife. I hate myself when I lose my patience or think afterward of a kinder way to phrase what was said. When I complain about crumbs on the floor and laundry and the little ones responsible are watching and listening with their little ears. This time my thoughtlessness affected friends and I wept when I heard it. Because as much as I can think my heart is in the right place sometimes I'm thoughtless and don't make enough effort to protect the people I love.



I don't want to be on anyone's pedestal. I cringe when I hear Proverbs and my name referenced together because I see how imperfect I am. I know. I am not the Proverbs 31 woman. She would have tact and grace and far, far more wisdom than I often do.

You may follow me as I follow Christ, but know that I am made righteous only through His grace. There is nothing good in me that is not from Him. When I share my thoughts and ideas on this blog, I am not telling or asking anyone to compare themselves to me. I plead with you not to. I will mess up at parenting and at being a wife and a friend. My heart will break and I will try to make things right but I am so imperfect.

We have guests in town right now, Sean's birthday the 27th, and not much summer left to enjoy with my children. I'll be taking this time to focus on my family and asking God to work on me and to be quiet instead of blogging.

Blessings,
Hannah

22 comments:

Laryssa Herbert said...

Good for you, taking the time know what's most important...from another imperfect Mama.

Karen said...

Hannah,
We all make mistakes and say and do things we regret. We all are imperfect. And yes, sometimes it hurts when we come to that reality and we have to deal with issues. It is in picking ourselves back up and dealing with things that we grow in Him. I love your blog and I admire what you do. I don't put you on a pedestal and I wouldn't live my life as you live yours. God made us all different. If we were the same, life would be boring. I think that the Proverbs 31 woman screwed up sometimes too but her mistakes were forgotten over time and only the good parts were remembered. LOL. She was just like us only maybe a little more organized.

Take the time you need and do what you must. Life's too short. Listen to God, heal your heart and be a mama in this weird NY summer. Be blessed.

andrea the pomegranates said...

beautiful. i completely understand and am always struggling as well to be a godly woman, wife and mother...

Tangee said...

I pray that Father God would guide you and give you peace over this decision. Do what your heart guides you to do. I completely understand your hiatus. Do come back please.

A said...

Love your blog. It's a huge blessing to me, and I've shared it with lots of friends. Hope the Lord leads you back to this work, because I think it's of great value to many others like me. God bless you and your family as you seek His will.

Karen@CitySeed said...

Okay, now, Ms. Hannah, quit it, darlin'. I admit to being a long-time-lurker-non-commenter.

That admission out of the way, I have to say--you have encouraged me COUNTLESS times, and NONE of them were because you are perfect. Every time it was because I saw a glimpse of the joy of serving the Lord at home. The joy you have in your husband and children. I have never been under the impression, from your writing, that you never have bad days, or that you think you are worthy of some Gold Medal of Christianity. You are humble and honest. You seek God's face over the direction of your life, and over your children's futures. You struggle to keep it all balanced, just like I do.

That's what I get from your blog. And you know what, I DO think all of that makes you a P31 woman and a T2 woman. You are a God-seeker. You've walked a lot of miles as a mother. You speak with wisdom and humility. You raise questions of life and faith and family for readers to ponder and research and search Scripture about.

I don't know how many mentors or even like-minded friends God has blessed you with in life, but for me--I have precious few. That's why I keep coming back to your blog. I am a little lonely sometimes in what I know God has called me to, and it is such an encouragement to bend my ear to hear your musings and struggles and see the sweetness of life with lots of littles, lots to do, and lots of love.

I completely understand that sometimes God pulls us back and asks us to draw near to him and away from everything that distracts. But if you are taking a hiatus out of insecurity or fear of making waves, I will just plead with you to keep posting.

Thanks for the sweet perfume you have been in my life this last year. I really appreciate coming here and reading what you have to say, think of you often, and pray for your family regularly.

Katie said...

Hannah, one of the things that makes you so incredible, is that you know you're not perfect and are always striving to better yourself. Have a good Summer.

Annie said...

Not sure you're posting comments. And anyway, you don't need to - just wanted to thank you for putting yourself on the line with this blog so much of the time. And to thank you for sharing your imperfections, b/c they inspire me more than your beautiful pictures and wonderful thoughts. The "good stuff" lets us all share together in the beauty of family and the goal of fostering this beauty in the world. The screw ups let us all feel a little less bad about ourselves, a little less lonely in our imperfections. Best to you in these remaining weeks of summer.
Annie

Mrs. Farrah Ginter said...

Hannah, I'm sorry that you are hurting. We are all imperfect beings. This year I have made more mistakes in my life and marriage and as a mother. God will forgive you. I hope you return but your family and faith are the most important. Blessings!

Janel said...

I think you would find that the Proverbs 31 woman would know her weaknesses too. But in our weaknesses, HE is strong.

{hugs}

Leigh said...

I do hope you don't stop this blog. I've found great inspiration here, reading through the archives. However, you must do what is right for you and your family and I wish you the best of luck in figuring out what that is.
Take care!
ps- try not to be too hard on yourself. The lord knows we are not perfect, and He knows we are trying.

This Journey of Mine said...

Dear Hannah,

Some time ago, I won a couple of childrens books from you. I think I signed up b/c there was one of those big blog giveaways that everyone was doing. I hadn't read your blog much. But after I won your books, I began reading reguraly. That was probably close to two years ago.

The other night, I sat down to read a ton of your posts, that I had saved up for some time. I went to bed close to two in the morning. When I woke up last the next morning, I told me husband how much I enjoyed your blog.

I explained how you were far from perfect and that I don't think that I could lead the life you live - exactly the way you do it. But every time I read your blog, I could feel the Lord's prescense. I could see how much you work to be such a good mom, homemaker, and wife.

You inspire me - in all the right ways. I don't worship you. I don't want your life. But I am challenged and encouraged each time I read your blog. When I read your blog, I want to grow as a mom, as a wife, and as a homemaker. I want to encourage the peace and prescense of God in my home. I want to be what only God wants me to be... and your blog encourages me in that.

Funny, I was going to write this to you days ago, and put it off. I suppose it was God's timing to write you now.

I trust God will lead in the right way when it comes to this blog. Regardless, I want to thank you for encouraging me over the last couple of years!

Many blessings!
Becky

Anonymous said...

Hannah,

I too, think your blog is a valuable investment of your time. You encourage, challenge and show us God at work.

I don't think your readers think of you as perfect. I think of you as a woman striving to live her live in the Spirit, communing with God in all things. You are a wonderful example of yielding to God's direction. I will be praying for God to direct you as you make this difficult decision about blogging. Honestly, I'm always amazed that you have/make time for your posts. I pray that God shows you how valuable you are in your imperfection! Janet

Anonymous said...

It is always amazing and humbling when the HS convicts us of the times when we are veering off the path. You have godly sorrow--that is good! I appreciate your post, its honesty--b/c right now I am where you are.

Karen is right. The proverbs 31 woman was human. She made mistakes. She is simply a role model and not to be put on a pedestal. We make little idols out of things and don't realize that the enemy has set that trap.

Use your time to rest and abide in the Lord, but PLEASE come back. Your fellowship will be missed!

mrscassel said...

Hi there Hannah. Blessings to you as you rest and listen to the Lord. But I wanted to encourage you in your blogging. I LOVE to read what you write and feel it is the most BALANCED blog I have come across so far. Do as the Lord leads you, but know that myself along with MANY others are encouraged by the glimpses into your home and life and would sorely miss your postings.
-Tracy
ps, When others compliment you in your life and mothering, simply say, 'Thanks, I'm doing my best.' You are good at what you do (wife and Momma) so of course it stands out. And that's great. We all need role models. And you are one of the best kinds....full of humility. Praying for you today.

Anonymous said...

Hannah,

I agree here with what everyone has said. No one is perfect, you do the best with what you feel is right. Yes we all stumble from time to time.
I enjoy reading your blog, and have gleaned alot from it. Since I am a working Mom, you are inspiring to me while I am at work and I take that inspiration home to my children.
You must do what you think is best. But be assured that your blog will be missed ! If you chose that path.

Sue in NJ

Emily said...

Dear Hannah,

I just started reading your blog about a month ago and look forward to every new post added. I've been married for 1.5 years and live on the opposite side of the country from you, and yet in a weird way you (though your writing) have helped train me as a younger woman to love my husband and home. I was telling my husband that when I read your posts, I don't feel inadequate, but encouraged to seek the Lord even more. There is a peace that flows from your posts that is contagious. Thank you for encouraging me this past month, I am a better woman and wife because I found your blog. God bless you as you seek him.

~Emily

Dianna said...

Hannah,

Please seriously consider - you and Sean - before discontinuing this blog. I really doubt that many think you are perfect - but they do see something special in you - a willingness to seek the Lord for you, your kids, your husband. If no one got anything else other than that from your blog, it would be worth it to keep going with the blog.
However, you then give us ideas to mull over, beauty to contemplate - and yes, even words of wisdom to research and take on into out lives as the Lord leads.

So - as your mom, I am asking, please continue - no one expects you to be perfect - in fact, God alone knows how imperfect we all are and perhaps He, more than any other, knows how much we will mess up in our lives - and the wonderful thing is that He loves us and accepts us anyway. What a wonderful God we serve! So - don't be harder on yourself than God is!!!!

Lynn said...

Dear Hannah,

I've certainly had moments of rethinking my blog. Whatever is going on, I want you to know that your blog is one of my favorite places to visit. I visit you regularly and find you very encouraging and down to earth.

Lynn

Beth said...

Iron sharpens iron...

I would truly miss your honest posts and beautiful photographs. Part of me travels to the countryside of NY when I read your blog, and I am enriched, encouraged and inspired. We are all on our own journeys planned by God. Our convictions may not be identical, but God uses you and your ability to write.

I know the pain of failing and hurting someone. In those times we grow, we surrender to our Saviour, and thank Him for His unending forgiveness.

Take your time to regroup. God will lead you... but I sure would miss your blog if you close shop. (Not to mention, I want to know all about your foster care journey!)

:-) Beth in NC

Jackie said...

Dear Hannah,
Remember me, Jackie? I was your original homebirth midwife.
I could never find the blogs on your homebirth. Did you cover it in your blog? If so please let me know where it is.
You have a gift from God to encourage, inspire, and draw others to God's goodness. There is enough ugliness in the world. You bring glory to God through your writting. Remember whatever happened between you and your friend, is really not between the flesh, but rather, a spiritual battle. I am sure that satan does not want you to continue to blog, as it glorifies God and draws others to do the same. Take time to listen to God; however, in the near future allow us the priviledge to listen to God through your writings.
Love and prayers, Jackie

Hannah said...

I don't plan on leaving writing, just taking a break to breathe and be refreshed. Thank you for all your encouragement.

Jackie - it is so good to hear from you! Chase's birth story is here:
http://cultivatinghome.blogspot.com/2008/05/home-birth-story.html

It was one of the best experiences of my life.

Blessings,
Hannah