Thursday, April 2

Dressing to Please


Does your husband like how you dress?

(Silence.)

Sean and I recently listened together to a sermon on the topic of marriage. The speaker mentioned how important it is for husbands and wives to keep themselves attractive for their mate. It was a timely reminder. How easy it is after having a houseful of kids and keeping them clothed to put my wardrobe out of mind.

So, I thought I'd share this little tidbit of wisdom.

Does your spouse like how you smell?

Do you smell like baby spit-up, what you fried for dinner last night, an overload of garlic....

Sean is very sensitive to smells. Any "fake" perfume-y smells like those from Bath and Body give him and instant headache. I am happy to wear lotions and perfumes without chemicals and fake scents because I know they are healthier for my skin too. I've worn the same perfume for almost a decade because it is his favorite.

Does your husband like how you dress?

Ask him. Tell him to be honest.
To get an idea of his tastes ask, "How do you like me to dress?" "Do you like the style of the clothes I usually wear?" "What outfit that I wear do you like the best."
Listen to him. Maybe you can ditch the sweats before he gets home, spray something pretty on, change into a shirt without baby stuff on it.

Does he like how you wear your hair?

"Honey, how do you like me to wear my hair?"

These aren't sexist, anti-anything questions or comments. I love Sean. I want to be attractive to him and I realize that attractiveness is the whole package, not just the inward, being a sweet, kind, patient wife (ha!ha! I try!). God created men to be visual creatures. That's the way it should be. I love it when Sean's eyes still light up when I enter the room!

A few years ago I asked Sean these questions and he said he likes it best when I look "classy". That could mean a lot of things but I knew exactly what Sean meant. He likes it when I look put together, wearing tasteful, beautiful clothing with a bit of elegance.

I also became a bit more mindful of how I was dressing when my husband began his business and I started running into people who know him or his business while out on errands. Realizing that the way the kids and I look is a reflection on him, I began taking a little more care with our appearances. It doesn't take any more effort for me to throw on a brown jersey skirt, tank and coral sweater than it does to throw on sweats.

Once you have an idea of what your husband prefers begin to slowly add these elements to your wardrobe. Do a search for "personal color analysis" and "body shapes" to find which colors and which cuts of clothing look the best on you. Ask your husband which ones he prefers and add basic elements to your wardrobe in these colors. Shop consignment shops and thrift stores. I've added very nice high priced clothing to my wardrobe this way. If you sew, pick up patterns and fabric on sale and add to your wardrobe that way, blessing others with items you no longer need.

Every few years, ask him again. Styles change, you change, he changes.

8 comments:

CharityGrace said...

As a fellow mom of 4 (Mine are close in age to your 5), this is a post that would be timely at any point. I have never fallen into the "sloppy sweats" habit, but in trying to keep up with a passel of small ones, it's easy to let our own appearance slip a bit.

One thing I've done recently is buy a variety of styles from secondhand shops. This gives me an opportunity to try things I might not pay full price for, and if they don't work, I'm only out a couple of dollars. It's expanded my clothing options a great deal. I hear the excuse that SAHM's don't have the money to beat the frump, but IMO it doesn't have to cost a lot to look pretty.

Persuaded said...

one of the few perks about being single is that i don't have to dress for anyone but myself, lol ;)

KinaBolina said...

Mine likes me in tight jeans and low cut tops, but that only happens around the house. :) He knows how modest I am in public and pokes fun at me for it, but I just can't bear to prance around like that in public even if he does prefer it.
We're of opposite opinions on the smell front as well. I like to bathe in perfume and her prefers it when I'm au naturale. Peeyuuuu! No thanks. :0

lady m's lavender cottage said...

Dear Hannah;

Sometimes we forget in the midst of changing diapers, doing laundry and all-around homekeeping...to keep ourselves beautiful for our husbands.

I have been married 18 yrs and through it all I have realized that my husband is a very patient man :-)

I have begun to sew for myself again, which will keep me fashionable but also modest for my family and myself.

Thank you for this post.

Lady M

Prairie Chick said...

oh dear. I've been working on this. We live on a farm and our life is... well... messy, and my husband doesnt' mind that, as he wears coveralls at home around the farm too and, well... it's just the way things are on a farm. But that said, I have been trying to change into clean jeans and a nicer top right before he gets home and then use an apron to get supper on the table and dishes washed up. I'm conscious of wanting to be "sweet" on his eyes.

another funny parallel between us, Prairie Guy is insanely allergic to odors and chemicals, it gets him all headachy and runny in the sinuses. I had found an organic citrus body mist that we both loved and they stopped making it!!! I would love to know what scent you use and where to find it if you don't mind...

Janel said...

Excellent advice.

I too have found it's just as easy to throw on something nice as it to don jeans. It makes a difference.

Anonymous said...

So what is his favorite perfume?

Joy of Frugal Living said...

Great post, Hannah! I have done this too. I have encouraged him to tell me when he really likes (or doesn't like) something I wear too. I think it has made him notice this stuff more too, which is fun for both of us.