Eight is Great!

I am starting to feel old.
My Dad laughed when I told him that and said, "Well, try having a 33 year old child!" (my sister).

I vividly remember being eight and having an eight year old of my own... wow... feel old.

Sean and I have made some birthday traditions with our children and so it was a wonderful, fun day. We go easy on the gifting. You can see the doll cradle before it received some love below. Some might call me cheap, I prefer thrifty, though I heard recycling gifts is trendy now.


Kaelin and her baby dolls were very happy with their new cradle.

Weekly menu and a cute baby

Weeky menu

Sun am – orange Julius, zucchini bread

Lunch – roasted chicken, cornbread, veggies

Dessert – apple crisp

Mon am – oat muffins with apple butter

Lunch – risotto, sliced peaches

Dinner – Pollock sandwiches, roasted potatoes with olive oil, salt, cracked pepper

Homemade brownie sundaes

~Make cinnamon rolls

Tues am – cinnamon rolls, milk

Lunch – yogurt, apple slices

Dinner – date night! mac and cheese for kiddos, ice cream cones

Wed am – farina

Lunch – pb&j sandwiches, Rachel's cookies

Dinner – pattypan squash, black bean burgers with Grandma’s sauce

Bake bread

Thursday am – apple sauce, cereal

Lunch – Newmans pizza,

Dinner – French potato salad, ginger turkey burgers

SMALL GROUP!

Fresh potato bread and butter, homemade jam

Tea

Coffee

popcorn for kiddos

Fri am - scrambled eggs, fruit

Lunch – yogurt

Dinner- turkey chili

Sat am – pancakes

Lunch – salad, grilled cheese

Dinner – beer beef stew

Dealing with Tantrums

I always give a little giggle when Cultivating Home receives comments on how peaceful and serene our life is. It is a very happy life but hardly ever a quiet one. And every once in a while our little Spark decides to liven things up a bit more and let us know just how he feels about whatever is happening contrary to his will.
I am in no way an expert on the subject but here is what works for us.

1.) Remove the audience.
If we are in a public place we take the wee one away from the public. Whether this means leaving a cart full of groceries and letting the clerk know you'll be back in a while for it or a pile of library books on the counter.
If at home, putting the child in his bedroom away from siblings and letting him know he can come out just as soon as he uses his self control...
If the child tries to give himself an audience again, we pick him up and put him back in the room.

2.) We are big on teaching self control.
Before the tantrum ever happens we are always teaching our kids that God wants them to have self control and Mama and Papa want them to use self control. This applies to whining, yelling, arguing, and tantrums and a bzillion other things in life.

3.) Cut it off before it gets bad.
Pick a nice time to have a quick talk with your little one, maybe while you are cuddling on the couch or during bath time. We say, "Little Spark, you know how sometimes you get so mad that you want to yell and throw yourself on the floor? Well, you are getting to be much to big to do that so mama and Papa are going to help you use your self control. The next time you try to throw a fit, we are going to tell you to get up real quick and use your self control. I want to see how quick you can get up and do it, okay?"
The next time the tantrum starts, do this and congratulate the kiddo when he does get up and uses his big boy self control!

4.) Consequences, disciplines, corrections...
However you prefer to label it - every tantrum needs a consequence and restoration. The restoration comes with hugs and prayers and the kiddo apologizing to whoever is around for losing his temper. Lots of love here. Oodles of loving. Encouragement that the kiddo is big enough not to have to throw fits when he's upset, that he can use his big boy (girl) words to talk about what is wrong. You will love the response when you walk hand in hand back into the library to pick up your books and small one apologizes to the librarian. You'll need a spatula to scrape their jaws off the floor. Not many kids are taught to apologize, I guess.

Then the consequence. A loss of a privilege works great. What is your child's currency? Do they love dessert? Maybe the consequence for throwing tantrums in your home is no dessert. And I'm bad, real bad. That night, I'll take extra care to make a beautiful, luscious dessert. Oh, yes, I'm bad. I always tuck aside a portion for the wee one but he has to wait until the next day to have it. So I'm only half bad, right?

We've been lucky enough never to have any biters, scratchers, etc. so I have no wisdom to offer there. We have been kicked and hit. Putting the child by himself, on his bed until he calms down usually works. I'll usually sit in the doorway, quietly praying and thinking about how someday we'll laugh together over these times. The kiddo can see me and I'm close enough that its not a bother to get up and put him back on his bed if he gets up before he's settled down. If you have a child that hurts himself or herself, I'd consult your physician.

For more professional parenting wisdom:
Cloud and Townsend
Family Life Today
Focus on the Family

Last week I realized that I am now the older woman dear Mr. Titus was speaking to since I now find myself about eight years ahead in age or eight years ahead in parenting than a lot of mamas. The older woman. Yup, I'm cozy with that. Are you?

(art.com)

Do you know how many young newly married couples would love to be invited into another couples home or how many young mamas would love someone to come alongside them to encourage and teach and tell them to relax? Me neither, but I am guessing that there is a lot since I was one of them and often times still am.

Trying to get my older woman act in motion, I had a casual friend and her two kiddos over today. We've chit-chatted in the church nursery plenty of times and I have wanted to get to know this sweet woman better. Our kids had a blast and one of hers left crying for having to leave the chickens behind. The chicken love was heavy in the air.

Through most of lunch a little one of hers fussed and fussed. I barely noticed but for my friends apologies as she tried to explain having a strong willed, temperamental child.

And there we clicked, she and I.

I understand completely. Wholly. All-encompassingly. I quickly told her how I was once stopped in a parking lot by a well meaning lady as I was trying to peel one child and his tantrum off the library pavement. My friend relaxed then.

I could have told her how on our recent vacation a stranger followed me to our van as I carried a screaming kiddo in my arms, trying to whisper calming, sweet nothings into his ear to no avail. I sat in the front seat of the van holding the wee one, still screaming and the lady stood outside the van staring in. Funny in hindsight. Not so much then, though I'm sure she was well meaning.

A reminder that when God is in in our hearts He helps us use self control and a refresher in appropriate public behaviour and forty five minutes later we were back on the beach with the rest of the family, wee one with a now sunny disposition. Switched back to normal. Yes, it took forty five mintes. We had some relapses.

If you've never had a strong willed child, I understand your shaking of head and clicking tongues and won't hold it against you. If you do, give a nod sister, we understand each other!

It ha always amazed me that children raised in the same environment, with the same disciplines could be so different. And there's definitely a difference between a strong willed child and an undisciplined one. I see you nodding. Its good to not be alone.

So be encouraged. Grab a young(er) lady and have her over. It doesn't matter if the house is a jumble or if there's chicken poop in the walkway.

Our two September Birthdays...

An evening bonfire, warm apple pie, and Great Grandma' recipe for spice cupcakes to celebrate Kaelin turning eight and Christopher turning four...

My hands were busy loosening the clothespins holding the clothes on the line, folding, and dropping the clothes and sheets into the basket at my feet as the last bits of daylight passed away. The sunsets here never cease to amaze me and at the end of the day, weary in body and sometimes mind, I often find myself quickly finishing chores before the next day begins. The wiping of the table, a quick sweep underneath, running the dishwasher, setting school books and lesson plans in order, then quickly checking the menu for the next day before turning out the kitchen light and heading upstairs to nurse Chase before bed.

As a Mom of five small children everyday chores can often take on the characteristics of being mundane and endlessly repetetive. The socks I fold and put away today will be again in the laundry, the crumbs I sweep underneath the table will be replaced by breakfast time, and like clockwork, Chase will awake at four fifty-something in the morning to snuggle and eat.

I overheard someone at church a few weeks ago say that everything is spiritual, whether we view it that way or not, and I smiled to myself as I passed by. That is exactly how I have been feeling and thinking regarding motherhood.

I don't know what paths my little ones will choose when they are grown. There are not, unfortunately, any magic potions or secret formulas that guarantee to surpass the element of human will. There is, however, wisdom to be found in raising children, morality to be instilled, ethics and character and God's love to convey on a daily basis.

As the two eldest hang out the clothes with me we talk. As we dig carrots in the garden and sing silly songs to pass the time picking blueberries, we talk. Questions usually arise at bedtime. Where will I live when I'm a grown man? Can I be a farmer? A pilot? Can I have a family with ten boys? (!) I think I want to be a Mama like you...

In the midst of math and dishes and scrubbing watermelon stains out of t-shirts, I am reminded that I am doing more than just mundane chores and repeating repetitive motions, whether I am aware of it or not.

This week, let's remind ourselves of the eternal perspective in everything we do.

Deuteronomy 11:19

"You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up."

This afternoon I was recalling how frustrated I was when Sean and I first married. I had no idea of how to be a good wife to him, no idea of what a healthy marriage ought to be, of how a functional family worked. My home was unorganized, my devotions with God undisciplined, my thoughts full of self and feminist ideals.

I am so pleased that we've spent the years establishing a functional, blossoming, beautiful home life - that God has led us to this point by His grace, steering, guiding, pruning and forgiving us into a functional family. Humbly I say this, ever feeling the tendrils of dysfunction that would want to enter our door and knowing that "there but for God, go we".


A beautiful thing of our marriage is that we've found the happy balance of giving completely of ourselves in support of the other. Obviously not without our faults, we slip out of this, but when we are completely giving - that is when we function at our best and have opportunity to glorify God with our marriage. Anyone who says that marriage is 50/50 is sorely mistaken. Focusing on giving, not getting is key.


I was just telling a friend how Sean blessed me by taking on some additional responsibilities so that I could visit my grandparents earlier this year.

He spent a day scrubbing the house before I returned, not wanting me to come home to extra work. Yes, oooh and ahhh now! He is a sweet guy!


Any of you who have a home with small children can guess what the house looked like the very next day... (!)
I love the empathy that experience gave my husband regarding trying to keep a tidy house with small children about! What is the saying, "tidying the house while the children are growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing".

Do you know what the most beautiful thing about that story is? Even before he had gained that added empathy for cleaning a large house and caring daily for small children - I still felt completely supported by Sean. (I do put forth effort to keep a tidy home, utilizing a rotational cleaning plan, but that saying is so true!)


Are there times in our marriage when we need to gently confront one another with issues? Certainly! Gently is a very important part of this equation!

I've found a great filter by which to run through the annoying things that come up in our marriage. The question is this - "Does it effect eternal things?" Ask yourself this the next time you feel like grumbling to your spouse.

Do his socks by the bed effect eternity? Does extra dust from the new kitchen? No. Of course, because we truly love each other, we are always striving to be considerate of each other and not make extra work for one another.

Would an issue on parenting effect eternity? Definitely. Am I speaking too abruptly to the children? Am I being slack in developing godly character in them? I would want Sean to gently bring an area where I need to change to my attention.

I find that most concerns that won't effect eternity are great opportunities for God to work more character into my life, whether it be patience or submission or servant hood or increased prayer.

Years ago God put a newly married woman in my path. Her criticisms of her young husband were ever abounding, everything he did was examined and dissected. At that same time I remembering reading an article encouraging women to cry out to God to change our hearts instead of focusing and complaining about the negative attributes of a spouse. I began to see a new strength in our marriage after beginning to put this wisdom into action in my own life and I hope that young woman did too.
How we embrace these issues in marriage will set our marriage on a path to succeed or fail.Can you imagine what the unhealthy results would be if I had a husband that came home from work grumbling, asking why the dining room floor was crunchy, not caring that I had just finished sweeping it for the twelfth time that day when an innocent toddler walked through with a fistful of crackers?

And what if this was a daily occurrence? His scrutinizing every room, complaining about meals, making wise cracks about my post baby body? (of these - Sean does none! Whew!)


I've heard the analogy used of a love bank. Of each married spouse having one. Each insult or criticism makes a withdrawal, each compliment or act of support gives a deposit. I love Sean. I want to build him up, encouraging him in Christ.

This is what love does. This is how we grow a functional home. Do you need a boost to get your focus off of your spouse's flaws? Start with these questions here.

What a whirlwind of a month it has been in our home! We are back into the deep groove of lessons and learning and having a sort-of routine or as much of one as having children, a home under renovation and nice weather will allow! Sean and I have both felt such a strong impression to focus strongly on building character into our children this year. And so it goes that the math lesson isn't just about learning division but gently encouraging pleasantness during a least favorite subject and one volunteering to play with a rowdy younger sibling while Mama reads with a brother is heartily applauded and commended. As it should be, right?I love our life even with its may unknowns. Sometimes I struggle with the not knowing and have recently been reminded of the story of Eve in the garden, wanting to be all-knowing like God and the dominoes of trouble that wrought. We have big unknowns with the boy-who-just-turned-four and his kidney status. He'll have another scan in November. On we go! There are other unknowns but of course this is highest on the list and so we wait and trust and are satisfied in knowing that God is ever present even in the unknown part of our lives together. Onward. Forward.God has been bringing so many things of my heart to my attention lately and dealing with me strictly but tenderly. Sean is a wonderful husband, supporting me faithfully in prayer and encouraging me daily. I am ever-so uncomfortable with the limelight and this is why blogging has been such a comfortable platform for me, sitting here in the quiet of our living room while children are napping or clicking away late at night. But out I go! Pushed, shoved, whatever! Forward. More and more, forced to be bold and pleasant and chit-chat (!) about the stance we take on marriage, family, and parenting as more people I don't know stop by Cultivating Home and comment to us while we're out and about. The way we live our lives is admittedly so counter-cultural, choosing to educate our children at home and be their main influence, choosing to raise a large family, being a keeper at home instead of pursuing a paid career, not caring that our home isn't decked out in Pottery Barn. But I am coming to be at peace with being the self described oddball. It works. I like my life.I feel such a deep responsibility to blog conscientiously, firmly supporting family and marriage. And such is the current groove God is pushing me into.
Here we go.

Won't you join us for a walk?

Hello! I'm Catherine.
I'm two and I told Papa I wanted to go for a walk. He said, "say please, Catherine" so I did. C'mon!


Here I am, down here! This is how I like to walk. I say, "Mama, wait! I Eeeed you!" and Mama waits until I grab her skirt or apron. See? She's got a golf ball in her pocket cause the boys always find them in the field and ask her to carry them for her.

Tonight is a special walk because we've been waiting all summer for the special apples to be ready.
Here's Chase and Mama.

I've still got Mama's skirt. See?

Chase just likes to sit on mama's hip and blow spit bubbles.
He's good at that.
Mama says he was real cranky today and she's wondering if he will be an early teether like I was.

"Look, Mama! The sky! It's gorgeous!"
Mama taught me how to say gorgeous on the long ride back from Rhode Island. I like showing Mama the pretty sky.
Christopher likes looking for the marks left by airplanes in the sky.

Christopher is taking Mama's camera now and running ahead.
See?
Here we are far behind. This is a big field and a big hill!
This is why we came. The yummy apples are ready!
They are my favorite because they taste like a pear and and an apple.
Sooo yummy!

Christopher and Kaelin and Douglas and Papa picked two big bags of apples. I kept Mama busy 'cause of these good spotted apples I eat from the ground. Then we threw them to Bear and Brutus for fetch.


Mama says she'll make a pie with these apples. They are big and yummy!

Bye, bye now! I'm gwonna finish cwunchin dis apfel.