Wednesday, May 14

Shy?

Uncomfortable Confession: I used to be incredibly insecure. Confession is good for the soul, right? Worried about what people thought of me, my life, my clothing, my marriage and my parenting, my ...everything! Obsessively concerned. I knew a lot of people didn't approve of Sean and I marrying young or becoming parents in our early 20's. We were the first of our friends to go the parenting route and are now the first of our friends to go the large family route (Yes, that means I'm hoping others follow!) and I guess those criticisms grew and extended into other areas of my life.
I heard a great broadcast on Family Life recently that brought back all those memories of insecurity . The topic was pride and people pleasing and as I listened, I realized that what I had always contributed to an issue of being shy or quiet or inadequate was, in fact, truly an issue of pride! Ouch.
Listening in, I found myself identifying with practically every example given! Isn't it amazing how blind we can be and isn't it wonderful how God reveals things to us in His gentle timing?

What exactly has happened as I'm approaching 3o, I don't know. I'm so thankful for the Holy Spirit working in my heart and life. Though the refining process has been extremely uncomfortable and even painful at times, I don't miss wondering how people talk about me or thinking that I'm inadequate in any number of areas.
Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain."
A real change began, I'm sure, as I began to identify myself fully in Christ and who He says I am and who He created me to be. How many different views the world has, talk shows have, the media has of what exactly a woman should be and how she should act and behave and think...


This summer I'm hoping to have a Mom's Bible study in our home, something I never would have considered myself qualified for or have thought anyone would want to come to. Old concerns surface as I wonder if women will want to come to a home that doesn't have a housekeeper but a busy Mama of five... or will they think I live too far out of the way... or will they think I'm arrogant to be young and wanting to host a study...

I really need to remind myself that what God calls us to do, he equips us to do and that the only thing that matters is having an obedient heart and willing spirit.

(art all by Linda Burgess and available at www.allposters.com)

12 comments:

Thirdtimemomma said...

Oh Mama. dont I know. Dont I know. Being a young Mama myself, I posted a similar subject earlier today about feeling like a minority in this little ole world. Dont be discouraged. The Mama's that need to be at your bible study will be there and Im sure you have something to share.. :)

howiesgal said...

I would love to come to a bible study at your home! As I read about your life and see the pictures you post I am in awe of what a godly woman you are, and I don't even know you in person :o) Bummer that I live in Ca. so I won't be able to make it to your study. But I know there are so many out there who feel the same way I do.
Blessings!

Andrea said...

Hannah,
ARe you "adequate"? Yes!!!
IN HIM. Yes and Yes!!
I remember having the same feelings as you. It wasn't until my early 20s that I decided to live my life for Christ (I was a believer, but not living the life.) that I truly "found myself." It was only IN HIM!
And that is what you've done and continue to do.
*Of course* you are adequate to have a bible study in your home! Don't forget that our Savior was born in a manger.
Blessings, Hannah.

JuJu's Place said...

Wish I lived closer (a few states closer-LOL)-- I'd love to share in a Bible Study with you-- your family ideals and values seem to be so close to ours- it would be great to share 'life'! Wishing you many blessings with your new addition! Hoping to have another myself some day. God Bless!

Karen said...

Hannah, I know of many who look up to you and think what you have is great. They may not want 5 children, but they want the whole christian atmosphere that seems to emanate from your family of peace and tranquility. I know you are not perfect but you are a great example of who we can be in God. Don't worry about your house - people don't come there to see it - they come to see you and they will come to hear what they can share with and glean from you in a bible study - don't you worry! I wanted more children but couldn't do it and I applaud you and Sean for doing what God has called you to do.

Trish said...

I still suffer from some of that and am going to have to look up your resources now. I hate having people over to my house because I don't think it is all it should be, for instance.

I know that if I lived closer, I'd be happy to come to a mamma's Bible study with you. The best we can remember is that we are following the Spirit and not the rest of the world.

Do share some of the things from your group :)

Tonya said...

I can so relate to you. I also married very young, 19 and had my first baby at 21. I was also the only one I knew who wanted a large family. I used to worry what people thought too. Now, I am 37, with 7 children and I don't care what people think LOL Like you, I came to the realization that it only mattered what Jesus thought of my life. I was only to strive to please Him, no one else. Not even my parents or other people at church. I think it is all a part of the maturing process, and the older we get, the more time Jesus has to work on us LOL I remember my viewpoint starting to change alot when I reached my 30's. Like you, it was really pride, I didn't want people to think badly of me. When really it only mattered what Jesus thought.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

I've been a long time reader, but never commented before. I think it is wonderful that you are coming out of your shyness at an early age. It took until the end of my 30's for this to develop in me. Now at 41, it is a wonderful freedom and gift of God, to not worry about what others think (of my kids, my house, housekeeping skills, etc) and constantly compare myself to others. Listen to God's prompting and obey and He will take care of the rest. He has already given you such insight that I enjoy in your Blog posts. You have a maturity that needs to be shared.

Janet

Hannah said...

Thanks Ladies, for the vote of confidence!
Karen, thanks, you are always an encouragement! Perfect, I am not. For sure!
Trish, I'd love to share what God does in the summer group. I'm anxiously looking forward to it!
Tonya, we married and had our first child at the same ages!
Thank you, Janet for leaving a comment. It is always nice to "meet" the folks that read my thoughts!
Blessings,
Hannah

Melissa @ The Inspired Room said...

I too was a young bride (20) and a young momma! Good for you! You sound like an amazing young woman and I am pleased to hear you are stepping out in obedience and willingness to serve Him! I can relate to how you felt, I used to feel insecure too. But I too have found that as you step out in obedience, He meets you right there and can do amazing things with your willingness!

Blessings,
Melissa

Jean Stockdale said...

Obviously you have a heart for the Lord. If He is leading you to encourage moms in the Word of God, He will equip you. I have been teaching a Moms Ministry for 19 years. My sons are now married and starting their own households of faith. I have never felt adequate. I is a God thing and a faith stretch even though I have done it for years. God takes no pleasure in those who shrink back. Take courage, young mom, and be a mouthpiece for your Lord and urge other moms to press on in the Lord! Blessings.

Esther Plaster said...

just wanted you to know how much of an encouragement your blog entry was to me...i often struggle with these or similar insecurities...and now am just 30 pregnant with our fourth baby! thank you thank you for posting your beautiful life (children etc.) b/c it reminded me that my hands are so FULL to the brim and that i am not EMPTY. i will enjoy readng your blog from now on. warmly, esther