Wednesday, February 27

Opening the door to Fear

I spent a majority of this afternoon at the local medical group, getting an EKG, an echo cardiogram, lab work and seeing my primary care doctor just to be told what I've already known - that my heart is doing bizarre things.
Tomorrow morning I'll see a cardiologist and he'll tell me whether we can just keep an eye on things for the next eight weeks until this little one arrives, or if I need to take medication to regulate my heart beats.
My two biggest fears are that permanent damage would be done to my heart, and, yes, that is a completely selfish concern, and secondly that I'd be told not to have any more children, since my heart only acts this crazy way while I'm pregnant. I guess that's a selfish concern also and yes, I realize many of you will be shaking your heads in disbelief that I'd be upset at being told not to have more children.
We got dumped on pretty heavily with snow the last two days and sweet Sean is out in the driveway with his truck, trying to pull my sister's car out where it got stuck in. Katie graciously came and watched the wee ones so Sean could follow me around my various appointments this afternoon.
I'm being brave and thanking God for a sound mind and His perfect peace. I do appreciate any random prayers tossed this way!
This morning I went to see a cardiologist, a well respected and knowledgeable physician in our area. He took a look at all my test results and said that I don't need medication! Other than my heart adding in extra beats or skipping some, this ticker of mine is working fine. No long term damage will be done (whew!) and he told me I can just keep on doing what I've been doing (with a chuckle, he said this, referring to having children). Needless to say this is a huge load off our shoulders after everyone commenting on how bad my heart sounded yesterday and not knowing what to do with me regarding treatment.
This afternoon I see the midwife again. Have I mentioned she asked me to write down everything I ate for a week? If you ever want to lose weight or be convicted about your eating habits, I highly recommend this! The midwife's main concern was that I be getting enough protein. I must say that I did not bake chocolate chip cookies for an entire week just so I wouldn't have to write down how many I normally eat!
Thank you to everyone who commented or called and said they were praying! We appreciate you all so much!


Lynn Hasty said...

Hannah, I am sorry to hear that you have this concern you must attend to right now. I understand your feelings about having more. Praying that things go well with you and your newest little one.


Anonymous said...

I don't think it's selfish to hope for your health. Those people depend on you in so many ways! Take care and God bless.

Diane said...

Your feelings are not selfish at all. They are a natural thought process we all go through when faced with a similar situation. Your flesh is mad at the possibility of this doctor telling you what to do. (He doesn't know you well enough and can not know all the nuances of your life.) Also, it is easy to be upset with your own body wondering why it is not behaving in the perfect way God created it to be. If you do need medication, know that it will be temporary. Secondly, pray and ask God what HE wants you to do in regards to more children. It is ultimately up to him. Know that you are covered in prayer even when you feel too overwhelmed to pray yourself.

Me said...

I'm just about to leave for my cardiologist appointment.
Lynn, Thank you for praying!
Diane, I love you and your understanding and wisdom so much. What else can I say! You are such a blessing.
Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

Our God is good!! :) Love you sis!

Lynn Hasty said...

Hannah, I am happy to hear the good report. ~:-D


Patricia said...

OH, What good news from the cardiologist! I prayed for you!
the Lord is good.