A Meek and Quiet Spirit

Sean and I drove out this afternoon to visit his grandparents in a little teeny town about 45 minutes away. It is the beautiful area where Sean grew up. His grandmother cooked a big roast and corn and mashed potatoes and strawberry shortcake for all six of us without batting an eyelash. Their little house is...little. Very little. And cozy and welcoming with typical elderly people little dogs running around looking for my kids crumbs under the table. I love that his grandparents welcome us so warmly, with hugs and food and conversation. One of my favorite things to do is to sit around the kitchen table with Grandma and talk over a glass of iced tea, peeling potatoes or apples.
After a few hours, we left them to their quiet home again and headed back over the hills and round about to home. The kids were bubbly and jumpy and teasing each other in the back seat, a bit more rambunctious than we prefer them to be while we're driving.
Sean brought up the subject of yelling at kids. How easy it is to yell to reprimand them or convince them to change their behavior or get them to come when you want. We talked about it for a few moments and then the conversation went elsewhere.
My thoughts settled on a particular verse in the Bible, in the book of 1Peter, which speaks of the beauty of a meek and quiet spirit. Now I know that there are probably a whole lot of other scriptures on controlling the tongue or speaking in anger that would be more applicable to arguing this subject. And if you are of the male species, you may prefer another scripture to motivate you then one that describes true beauty! Controlling my tongue and not speaking in anger or quickly are things I know I should not do. I think sometimes I need a positive goal to keep in mind instead of just focusing on what not to do. What do I aim for? Keeping a meek and quiet spirit. Responding to every situation in love.
I have had too many people come up to me and say, "Oh, it must be so easy for your children to be well behaved because you are always so calm and peaceful."
Ugh... I wish. Can I tell you that I detest begin told that?
Instead of smiling sweetly, I want to tell them that a bloody tongue is the secret. Biting it when I want to yell after asking a child to do something for the fifth time or when my large pregnant body aches and it would be so, so much easier to yell a scolding across the room instead of getting up and doing the right thing.
I do notice that when I having a gentle spirit and bite my tongue, the kids respond better, play together so much nicer, and everything in our home just has a better spirit about it. Suddenly the tension is gone, unfed by unpleasant voices.
Kids are motivated so much better by a quiet spirit.
If I go up to our son, who is supposed to be making up words for me on his piece of paper for his lesson but is instead teasing his sister. If I kneel down beside him and quietly say, "Douglas, can you tell me what I asked you to be doing right now?" Not accusingly or harshly at all. Just a quiet question.
Often his eyes will light up as he tells me and turns back to his work. Now of course I don't want him to tease, but was he doing anything so terrible that he deserved being belittled by being yelled at? No. He's just five and needed some redirection.

Here are some things yelling does teach our children:
1. It teaches them that I don't mean what I say until I yell.
2. It teaches them to yell when they want something accomplished.
3. Yelling teaches kids to ignore polite requests.
4. It teaches them that yelling is an appropriate way to relieve stress.
5. Sooner or later, the kids will ignore the yelling and when we really need their quick attention (emergency, danger, etc.) we won't be able to get it.
6. Yelling teaches kids that they don't deserve the respect of being talked to calmly.
7. It teaches our children to respond out of fear.

Are there times when Ill need to speak firmly and forcefully to my children? Definitely. I want those instances to accomplish what they need to. I want them to know that I mean what I mean and "wow, Mama must mean what she's saying because she doesn't usually speak this way..."

There's a book that I would recommend any mom to read, entitled Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit . I gained so much more insight from it and found myself thinking that every mom, regardless of homeschooling, should read it and absorb it. The principle really has little to do with homeschooling and more to do with cultivating a right heart attitude.
Here is another little snippet on the subject that I enjoyed.