Thursday, December 6


It is such a beautiful time of year here in upstate NY.
The children bundle up in mittens and hats and snow pants to brave the chilled
weather to make snow forts and slides, pretending they are knights and kings and queens,
their imaginations hard at the work known as play. Even though the wind whips down the back hill during the day, over countless
pastures and fields, chilling me while I collect the chicken and duck eggs,
the sun has been warm on my face.
Our windows are candlelit at night

and the tree with all its white lights and Jesse Tree ornaments stands in the corner of the living room, a white glittery star at the top.
The littles cuddle close for stories by the wood stove,
reading of angles remembering and wise men seeking. The shepherds and wise men watch over baby Jesus from the mantle above. Mary in her white and blue dress is missing and we hope she will turn up in time for Christmas.
With all the beauty and love of advent and the Christmas season, we're facing frightening accusations regarding the love and care of our children. We're at a loss as how to respond in love and cannot understand their motivation. We find ourselves drawing inward, gathering friends and neighbors, preparing for a Christmas Open House next weekend with pferfferneuse and duck pizza and paninis.
Wanting peace and reconciliation, and every family member expecting us to provide it, I feel completely powerless and helpless.
I am so thankful for early mornings with a cup of tea and God's words, soothing and providing strength.
The most we can do, without putting our family in jeopardy, is to forgive. Forgiveness is a powerful thing and I find myself examining all it entails. Letting go of fear has been the biggest struggle. In some ways I feel like a cornered mother bear with people expecting me to make friends with a hunter taking aim at my family.
King David writes in the Psalms: "With You there is forgiveness, and therefore you are feared." I find myself mediating on these words, loving them, and wanting the strength forgiveness provides, knowing the forgiveness I am giving allows God to forgive me.
It is quiet tonight as the children watch Narnia as I unpack from an anniversary get-a-way.
May peace fill your homes and your hearts,
With love,


Anonymous said...

I just pray God's amazing Grace, all over you and around you and within you ... and that you will feel His peace right now.
love, Melissa.

New Mom said...

Wow, I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I can't imagine anyone questioning your love and dedication to your children, it's obvious. I'll pray for you as I browse your blog. Please keep us posted as the problem dissolves.

Lucy said...

Praying for you all. I can understand how hard it must be to forgive and let go of fear in that situation. Oh, may Jesus be your comfort and aid.

Me said...

Thanks, ladies for your prayers! It really makes a difference!